I college, I asked a friend how he managed to "do it all," beyond classes; he was involved in extracurriculars, held down a job, and participated widely in a religious organization on campus--not to mention the occasional frat party. I wondered if I had a priority problem, and I've certainly been accused of that.
What was actually happening was that at night, I stopped breathing. When healthy people were rebooting while they slept, i wasn't getting oxygen. Rinse repeat for 10 years, and you have me running at 10% energy wondering what the heck was happening despite my best efforts. You also have the making of my health deteriorating.
Then, it was discovered that I have sleep apnea. Fifteen hundred dollars and some unnecessary tests to confirm it, I have a CPAP machine and am finally sleeping . (Add to this 3-4K that I spent opening up my airways in my face in 2013/14 via septoplasty).
And I have been ungrateful. I have been grumpy. With rest comes a mind that is zooming through information at light speed. With that upgrade has come frustration. With great power comes great responsibility and blah, blah, blah.
But gratitude? I've scoffed at it.
It's time to slow back down. My paternal grandfather died from what I am convinced was complications due to sleep apnea related heart failure.
My grandad was a salesman and was en route to Victoria on Interstate 59. He pulled the car over and died on the side of the road, car still running when they found him. This was the late 1970s before instant technology as we know it. Given what unknown of OSA, my father and uncles' health, this adds up.
Son in a large way, I am finding the silver lining. I am not dead on the side of the road, suddenly taken from my family. I live to see another day, and I want to make the best of that and any future days that I am given.
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