- This is for me, less for you, unless you need it. Then, by all means, claim it.
- When I was skinny, I wasn't eating. In my adolescence, I developed a rather awful eating disorder known as anorexia nervosa in which I skipped whole meals for most of the day. I subsisted on a small snack every few days. In college, I would purposefully attempt to live off tuna and spinach as not to gain weight. Then, as I began to cave into temptations and eat carbohydrates, I would binge and make myself intentionally vomit. As a result, when I see people eating tiny insubstantial meals, I tend to worry they, too, have some demons kicking around upstairs. (Please understand I mean that metaphorically). This is why skinny will never be equated with beauty. A person's size should not be what defines him or her or them (shoutout to my non-binaries) in terms of beauty.
- Anytime I see someone praise "Skinny" I fucking rage. I do. And it's not that I cannot celebrate someone's fitness, but "skinny" and "fit" aren't the fucking same. See #2 for my rationale.
- I am currently 75ish pounds over where I ought to be for my body type. Where am I getting this number? BMI? NOPE. Body fat percentage? Meh, maybe. It's the weight I recall feeling both curvy but not weighed down or slowed down. Physical ailments were less, my stress and anxiety were significantly less, and I can say, comfortably, with my frame, I felt healthier.
I say all of this not to post some ridiculous before and after picture seeking public affirmation for my body transformation. Maybe at some point I will. Maybe I will cave and Instagram that shit. Maybe I will justify it in my head as "accountability." Who knows? But I am making this promise to myself: While I am able-bodied and of clear-mind, I will be mindful about BALANCE in my life. My foods will be balanced and whole. I will workout every day, with active recovery days on my "off" days. And in a year, I will reassess my health.
Self, we will not let others get us down. We will not base our self-worth on appearance, size, body fat percentage, or anything superficial and fucked up. And if someone tries to get us on that train, we will declare that noise unworthy of a brass-fuck and move on.
I'm counting on you to bench press a bear, and release all the fucks into the wild.
