This post isn't directly about folks in the transgender community, but I feel compelled to introduce my argument in that context because what I am about to say applies to them as well, and is the source of my well-warranted sourness. I have a friend, let's call her Bob, who mentioned online that those in the transgender community that seek sex-reassignment surgery are in "sin" --(not her word, ironically, for she follows a separate Abrahamic faith) because "God doesn't make mistakes."
Quick detour: For some knowledge on Personal Identity, see diagram below. Google also has further explanations.
In my writing, I'm not typically one to jump straight into the frying pan. I like emotional appeals followed by logic and reasoning, punctuated by a John Williams score. That is out the window today. Why? I have more reason from this point on to seize the freaking day because my timeline seems to be on a faster than anticipated countdown. It started with a scare in the hospital after I had given birth and has been confirmed through medical diagnosis.
I have severe sleep apnea. What this means is that I have pauses in my breathing at night that cut off oxygen to my brain. I stop breathing, and start again with staggered breathing or choking. This choking has led to vomiting in some episodes. As a result, my daytime state of being is that I wake up worn down and am a walking zombie throughout my days. Given the resulting symptoms, I can tell you with confidence that I have suffered from sleep apnea most of my life, even when I was a normal weight. At 18, I had my tonsils removed, and at 28, I had a septoplasty and turbinectomy to open up the airways in my face to allow more air in. In all likelihood, I have a small airway. There is also a possibility that the part of my brain that is supposed to communicate with my breathing just isn't doing that correctly.
What interests me further is that anxiety, obesity, and the dumping of stress hormones into the body are ALL associated results of having sleep apnea. So, despite me trying to "stay positive" and people telling me that anxiety is just me "listening to the devil," despite me having an 80/20 diet lifestyle in which I eat nutritiously the majority of the time and splurge quite rarely, despite having a walking/exercise regimen, and despite all the side eyes and judgemental comments I've gotten from people who think the best way to "fix" me is to criticize the hell out of me, it appears much of my health problems can be traced back to my sleep apnea.
But, no, go ahead and tell me that "God doesn't make mistakes."
Could it be that a raw deal with my genetic assemblage went down in utero and stuff happens?
Questions I have had about my overall feeling of wellness are all falling into place.
Wondering why I wake up every day feeling like I'm operating at 10% energy, going through my days in intense pain, and coming home with nothing more to give despite needing to "adult" around the house, questioning why my "spoons" are all gone (See: Spoon theory)....all of this is traceable back to the diagnosis.
In a week, I go for a CPAP study in the hospital and I will speak with a specialist about lifelong treatment. My neighbor Axel mentioned having treatment for the same issue starting 3 years ago, and that it has improved his quality of life drastically starting from day one of CPAP use.
So, if seeking medical care to improve and extend my quality of life is offensive to you, you need to ask yourself what kind of creator you actually worship and why he allowed you to have such a craptastic Ableist view of the world.
And pick up a book on genetics while you're at it.
damn right.
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