Battle of the Bottles

High on my list of "things I've learned since having a baby" is this advice: don't rush out and buy stock in something just because you adore it and think it's perfect for your yet-to-be-birthed kid. Not that we did. But we definitely made a few overzealous additions to our baby registry before helpful people messaged us and politely informed me how nuts we were to have AN ENTIRE BOTTLE SET ON THE LIST. Functionally and pragmatically, it makes sense. Yes. Babies laugh at these lists while they're baking in utero. For those of you who've gone the 3D/4D Ultrasound route, you know what I'm talking about.

The best measures we've taken and managed to save money and sanity are to 1.) Accept the majority of hand-me-down baby items and try them out. Most of my Medela bottles came to me for free this way. I learned, also, about the joy that is Dr. Brown's--no sarcasm. 2.) Join a baby resale group on Facebook (I scored 3 Tommee Tippee bottles this way for five bucks--and boiled them to sanitize, replacing the nipples) 3.) Purchase one or two bottles here and there for kicks and science!

Here are my findings, in order of what we have used/tried/attempted: *Disclaimer: Results will vary by baby

1. Medela - A good standard bottle if your baby is a supersucker bent on world domination TODAY. The bottles are quality, but the standard nipples flow QUICKLY. I went to the lengths to replace the old nipples (ew) with the 0+ months variety and learned that I now effectively know how to supersoak my kid in one fell swoop. Hard pass for now. Maybe when he's older we'll revisit these.

2. Tommee Tippee - Ah, British engineering. I oohed and ahhed over the anti-colic valve as having a baby with colic is THE PITS. The Pits are somewhat akin to The Bog of Eternal Stench except eternity has a seemingly foreseeable end and a newborn with colic does not. We tried these out, and I was thankful we only threw five bucks at this venture because the milk flowed OUT OF THE SIDES OF HIS MOUTH LIKE HE WAS DROWNING. Pass.

3. Honest Company Silicone Bottles I have nothing negative to say about these. Little man loved the flow of the original nipple, the bottle is easily sterilized and ergonomic to the touch. My only observation is that these do not heat well in our Kiinde warmer. Go figure. But, it saved us problems with gas initially and baby was actually eating, and any night without a gassy baby is generally a GOOD night.

4. Avent - See entry on Tommee Tippee.

5. The Kiinde System - It breaks me up inside that this wasn't succcessful for our kiddo because the system really is brilliant. The feeding/storage bags ARE THE BOTTLE. Mind blown. The system comes with attachment rings that screw onto standard breast pumps, so you pump into the storage bag and place in the fridge/freezer until you're ready for use. Then, there's a warmer and a brand-specific nipple attaches to the bag. All great, right? Nope. Tommee Tippee-esque mess all over again. Oh, well.

6. Dr. Brown's - I wish we'd started here. Then again, I am assured that "what works for one baby will not necessarily work for another, even if they both came from your hoo-ha." Direct quote-ish. The valve in these makes for extra cleaning and an extra step in assembly, but damn it, y'all if the baby doesn't belly up to the bar and eat like a champ. Thank you, Dr. Browns. THANK YOUUUUUU. So this value is supposed to preserve vitamins found in breast milk, unshaken. I am pro-all of that and a bag of chips (for me). The baby isn't gassy, it doesn't make a mess, baby is healthy and growing steadily and beautifully along his curve, and people don't go all cross-eyed when I mention the name brand.

What I'd like to try: OKAY. SO. They say "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" But "they" aren't neurotic, and I like to have a continual ace up my sleeve. Prior to all this baby having beeswax, I heard of JOOVY BOOB. Say it. Doesn't it put you in a delightful mood? Joovy. JOOOOVEEEE. So, to be continued.

Let's review: Stock in a product per baby es no bueno. Sample sizes and trials, friends. Happy life to you. Cheers.